Crazy
by Khyharah
Summary: What is it that drives me nuts? Being kissed and pushed away will generally do it! A little taste from the Tricky Raven Book of Love Valentine's Day Contest.


**A/N – **This was originally written for the Tricky Raven Book of Love Valentine's Day Contest. While I didn't win anything there, I figured I'd go ahead and share it around here. The scene at the end was actually based on real events though I wasn't dancing with a shape-shifter lol. I was at church camp and was dancing with one of the guys from another church. Wasn't romantic or anything just being silly. A very fond memory turned into this little diddy. Hope you enjoy.

**Title**: Crazy

**Pairing**: Paul/Bella

**Rating**: PG-13 (for some handsy business)

**Genre**: Romance/Angst

**Prompt**: "Crazy" by Patsy Cline

**Disclaimer**: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Rain.

It never seems to stop raining in this Godforsaken town.

I was standing under a pavilion at First Beach waiting out the rain. In my brilliance, I had left the house without an umbrella for my 100th "clear my head" walk. Yeah, not successful.

No, not Doucheward. I had forgotten about him long ago. He was but a memory that I could finally look upon with fondness. Without him, I don't honestly think I would be immersed in the world of supernatural like I am now. First a vampire, then a shape-shifter. And not just one shape-shifter. A whole stinking pack of them with personalities ranging from quiet and thoughtful to downright goofy to sunshine and happiness and finally anger and angst.

I was trying to forget about the one with all the anger and angst.

I honestly tried to understand his reaction. He had a bit of a rough upbringing, never really felt loved. Being raised by one parent who didn't give the proper attention to what was going on his son's life would leave any one bitter. I wanted to understand and help him get through it, but he wouldn't let me in. I think that was the most frustrating thing. I couldn't get through to him, couldn't get him past his anger at his neglectful father, the bitterness of having the unwanted shape-shifting fate thrust upon him. The responsibilities caged him to a life on the reservation that he never wanted or needed. He needed freedom, people, and a life somewhere not here.

But it seemed fate wasn't done with him yet.

The first time I met Paul was... Well let's just say it was explosive. I had finally come to confront Jake about abandoning me and to tell him I knew what he was. I didn't expect it to lead to an eruption of fur and fangs. To know they changed was one thing, to actually see and experience it? Completely different. It was awesome and beautiful and terrifying. I was scared for the russet colored wolf that tried to protect me, but my fear was greater for the beautiful silver wolf. He hadn't tried to attack me but I could feel his anger towards the russet wolf.

After retreating to Sam and Emily's house and everyone calming down, I went home and tried to process what had happened earlier. I knew they were out there watching me and protecting me from Victoria. I knew I would have to be careful and try to spend as much time as I could with them until they caught and destroyed her. So why did I have this sudden feeling of finally belonging? I felt like I was at home when I was with them earlier, but only after Jacob and Paul returned. At first I attributed it to Jacob, my own personal sun, being back. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that wasn't it. It was when Paul walked through the door and looked at me.

His eyes had swept my body in a fashion that I now realized was assessing. He was making sure that I was ok physically. And I was honestly. I hadn't been injured at all. It seemed that he was satisfied in his assessment because even though his face had not changed expression, he nodded his head, sat down, and tuned into the conversation going on around him.

As I prepared myself for bed that night, I couldn't help but glance out the window. I knew my protector was out there and I thought I saw a flash of silver fur, but I couldn't be sure. I couldn't help but hope that he was out there. I knew I would feel better if he was.

Time passed easily after that. I spent many of my afternoons and evenings with Jake, Embry, and Quil at the garage or at Sam's house with the whole pack. Those were honestly my favorite times. We weren't doing much of anything, just sitting around bull shitting, helping Emily cook, and watching movies. But it was nice. I felt comfortable and accepted for who and what I was. I didn't feel obligated to change anything about me. And for once my looks didn't bother me. Yes I was surrounded by these God-like beautiful men (and eventually one woman after Leah phased), but I never felt inadequate. They never tried to tell me I was too tempting, that I was too innocent, that they wanted to save my soul. Nope, I could just be Bella. And it was nice.

Of course, eventually there were complications. I knew Paul was watching me, especially when I was at Sam's. I could feel his eyes on me constantly, though not often in a lustful manner (much to my chagrin). It felt like he was making sure I was eating, I was bathing, I was happy and living and not drowning in my previous sorrows over the Cullens. And I wasn't. I had finally, FINALLY, let them go and put them in the past where they belonged. Edward and his family no longer had a hold over me.

Every time I felt Paul's eyes on me, I couldn't help the flush that crept across my cheeks. I didn't mind it. I loved the feeling he gave me, almost as if he wanted something to do with me. But I knew that was impossible. He was hot tempered, tended to keep in the background of the pack and was generally anti-social. Well anti-social except when it came to the ladies. Jacob had explained to me one day that Paul was considered the "Ladies Man of La Push". I could honestly see why. The man was gorgeous. Mysterious grey bedroom eyes that would make any woman's knees go week; six pack abs with the cutest almost outtie belly button; muscled arms and legs. Yeah, he was sexy.

So the night he came to my window, I was beyond shocked.

He explained to me about imprinting. How the first time he saw me at Jacob's and met my eyes he was a goner. He had tried to fight it, tried to continue to uphold his reputation. But he couldn't. So he watched me. He took all the night patrols so he could be near me while I slept to appease the imprint bond.

But that wasn't enough anymore.

He needed more. He need more time, more touch, more intimacy. But it didn't seem like the lustful intimacy he craved. He needed knowledge and depth and a relationship outside of the romantic.

So we talked. And over the next few weeks we got to know each other. Well, at least he got to know me. I told him everything about me from what it was like growing up with Renee, to how it felt moving to Forks with a dad I barely knew, to getting to know the Cullens and the heartache they left behind. He let me talk and I began to love him for it. It was nice to not be interrupted and asked to explain every little detail as I saw it from my "human eyes". He would tell me little things about living in Tacoma and what it was like to move here. But never about what his mom was like or his dad or anything else really.

But I enjoyed the little bits he did tell me. And somehow I found myself in love with this man. Big mistake, falling in love with someone I barely knew. You would think I had learned my lesson with Edward but I couldn't help it. Every time he gave me a little bit of himself, I treasured it.

Then I made my biggest mistake. I kissed him.

His lips had been teasing me for weeks. They were what I tended to concentrate on when we talked. They looked so perfect and soft and I wondered what they tasted like. Was he sweet like honey or raw and hot like cinnamon and spice? So one day while we were sitting at my house channel surfing, I just looked up at him and did it. I honestly didn't know what to do when he didn't respond at first. I just about pulled away when I heard him moan in what sounded like defeat and he began to devour my mouth. Hot, spicy, like a warm fire on a winter night, and sinful and I should find this wrong because there's no way he could actually want me, but at the same time oh so right. I felt at home as his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me on his lap. We sat like that for what felt like an eternity, lips moving in sync with each other, hands roaming backs and shoulders, but never any further. And as suddenly as it started, it stopped. Paul was on his feet pacing and I was back on the couch, hand to my lips wondering what the Hades had just happened.

"No...no...shouldn't do this...would destroy her..."

I could hear his low mumbles sounding like he was trying to deny what that was; what it felt like. Let me tell you, it felt like heaven to me. Like the final piece of the puzzle was in place and I was complete. I just stared at him trying to figure out why he was so upset.

"Paul"

His pacing stopped, fists in his hair, but he did not look at me.

"Paul, please tell me what's wrong, why you are upset. Because honestly I am nowhere near upset about this. In fact, I am perfectly ok and happy and... I don't know what else. Don't deny me this happiness, Paul. Talk to me, tell me what I did wrong."

That last bit got him to look up at me. I could see the conflict in his eyes, felt the tears welling up in mine. I knew he wanted me, but for some reason he wasn't letting himself have me.

"Bella…No, it's not you… I…I don't…"

He took a deep breath and whispered "I'm sorry" and took off out the door.

That was two weeks ago. Two weeks of wondering and frustration and loneliness. Two weeks of spending time with the pack minus Paul. He never showed up while I was there. But I knew he was around. I felt him watching me at night just like he used to before he told me about the imprint. I felt his prescience around the reservation when I was out there.

I tried to tell myself I was crazy for falling for him so quickly. The only things I knew about him came from the pack, not really from him. But I was in pain because I had fallen for him. And the worry. I worried about where he was, what he was doing. Was he safe? Was he with another woman? Had he caught a vampire? And it made me feel lonely. The others didn't really understand and it wasn't something I could honestly discuss with my human friends. So I bottled it up.

What did I do? Did I not kiss him right? Was I over eager? Not eager enough? What was it?!

I knew I was crazy. Absolutely crazy for loving someone I knew couldn't or wouldn't love me back the way I wanted. Sure he imprinted on me, but that's the rub. Lover, brother, friend. He probably felt I needed a friend, not a lover. And honestly, was he really the type to settle down? No, he wasn't. At least not according to his reputation and his sudden absence from my life. But I was absolutely crazy over this boy and I had no idea what to do. These thoughts were really driving me nuts and the only one who could give me answers wasn't speaking to me.

In fact, none of them were speaking to me today which was why I found myself walking the beach in the rain. According to Emily, they had caught a scent early this morning and were hoping it was Victoria so they had taken off early. We were ok on the Res; they had left Seth, Brady, and Collin to watch over us. So I wandered down the beach and when the rain started, I took cover.

That's how he found me.

I was holding my hand under the dripping overhang contemplating where I could go from here, if I should just give up when I felt a pair of scalding arms wrap around my waist. I jumped, spinning around. My eyes landed on grey orbs filled with... joy? His eyes were bright with happiness, he had a smile plastered on his face and he seemed to be shaking from so much energy. I could literally feel the elation and happiness radiating from him.

_Paul_

It came out of my mouth as a whisper, a prayer. Here he was, right in front of me. Looking almost… Crazy.

"We did it Bella. She's gone, gone, ashes in the wind!"

His words took me a few moments to process. Who's gone? Wait, ashes in the wind? Did that mean…

_Victoria? She's gone?_

I couldn't seem to get my voice above a whisper and I couldn't tear my eyes from him. He just continued to beam at me, nodding his head before picking me up and twirling me around laughing. As I clung to him I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled up from my throat. Freedom! Freedom from fear for mine, Charlie's, and my friend's lives. Freedom from watching over my shoulder and worry about my wolves, my pack who had become my family. Freedom from vampires. That thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I was finally free of vampire influence in my life. I could breathe in peace.

My laughter faded as Paul lowered me to the ground. He gently put his left hand on my cheek. "All for you." He paused for a moment, seeming to collect his thoughts. "Bella, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have left you that day at your house. I shouldn't have avoided you. I should have been honest and up front with you. I am not worthy of you or your affections. There are things about me that I am not proud of and I don't want you have to deal with those. I'm trying to put my past behind me and be better for you Bella. You deserve only the best." Another deep breath and his eyes met mine, staring straight into my soul. "I love you, Bella. I am completely crazy about everything that is Bella. Your eyes, your hair, your smile. Everything. Please, please forgive me for walking away from possibly the best thing I have ever experienced."

I just stared at him in shock. Love? Really? He loved me?

_I love you too._

My whispered words hit his sensitive ears and the next thing I knew we were dancing slowly in a circle, his head resting on mine with his lips right next to my ear. He was humming a little tune that I actually knew. I supplied the last line for him as we gently twirled around the pavilion.

_I'm crazy for tryin' and crazy for cryin'  
And I'm crazy, for lovin' you_


End file.
